Merton on Not Accepting God's Will

This is from Thomas Merton's New Seeds of Contemplation which I'm re-reading more carefully this time around:

'Not to accept and love and do God’s will is to refuse the fullness of my existence.'

'If I never become what I am meant to be, but always remain what I am not, I shall spend eternity contradicting myself by being at once something and nothing, a life that wants to live and is dead, a death that wants to be dead and cannot quite achieve its own death because it still has to exist.'

I wonder how many of us have felt this way and never understood why.